In My Humble Opinion...

Wow I'm Of Practice...

2008-05-07T17:24:07Z

I think I tried 10 titles for this post and usually I'm full speed ahead on the first try. I really haven't been writing much and boy does it show! I've been getting up every morning trying to read the perpetual number of unread feeds that shrook feeds me until life forces me from my computer to do productive things and the next day the number grows once again. Writing for me is a culmination of recent thoughts and my opinions on them, which isn't a great way to get a novel going but is fine enough for a blog. But these days I'm too rushed to really dwell on all the great stuff I'm pulling off the tubes so most of my reading doesn't flow to my fingers.

Yesterday I was interrupted from my daily dip in the putrescent river that is the internet by a girlfriend who demanded satisfaction! No, not that way... WORSE! She wanted to re-arrange the living room. So, after rolling my eyes I rose from the couch like a fat cat from some hibratory slumber and proceeded to perform on demand.

We got far more done than I expected even finding the time and motivation to re-arrange our bookshelves so that they resemble their purpose rather than the landslide of crap that they were before. Now they're more like great monolithic alters to consumerism.

The unexpected outcome to all this manual labor that I was forced to do is that now I have a living room that looks oddly... well good. The new furniture is looking nice, and the TV while a bit out of place gives the room the utility needed to become our premiere gathering spot, and the cat seems to like it, and we all know how important that is though I really wish he wouldn't express his pleasure by digging his claws into the microfiber with so much gusto. (At least we knew better than to buy leather.)

Anyhow I have pictures, no before shots unfortunately though if you look up some news footage of tornado wreckage that would give you an accurate impression of what the room was like 2 months ago.

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Me and My Evil Cat

2008-04-28T19:57:02Z

Hi guys. Not been doing much blogging lately and for that I'm sorry. I missed last monday but today I remembered so today I show you pictures of me and my cat Lucifer. He's sad today kuz last night he scratched one of his eyes and today he's in pain. When he's in pain he becomes a huge suck. Normally he won't sit in anyone's lap for longer than 15 seconds and trying to pet him is a good exercise in reflexes, because he will try and bite you. But when he's in pain he becomes a lap cat.

Nonetheless, even though his spunk is drained the one eye half open thing still showcases his overall derangement.

Oh, and the couch we're sitting on is new. Last week we finished our Living room which now has a new couch a chez chair, and a new 37 inch LCD. So now my living room is more than a spot to park the computer desk. Yay us.

Photo 14

Photo 12

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Color Photos From the 1930's

2008-04-23T18:12:47Z

Thanks to 37signals for blogging this.

This is one of those oddly novel experiences that I just love. Seeing a world in a totally different way then I'm used to. Black and white pictures do look lovely and rustic and interesting but color seems to have a way of bringing it all out into stark reality. Interestingly often times I was struck by the lack of color in the pictures.

Anyhow all this colorful goodness is due to the Library of Congress giving the internet some love with a Flicker account. Yay for the sharing of information! And pictures!

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Wednesday Yahtzee Smash Brother's Brawl Edition

2008-04-23T17:36:42Z

Well, I've been gone for a week and didn't deliver on last week's cheap cop-out theft type blogs that are my wonderful way of cheaping out and not creating real legitimate content. So please, feel free to send me tons of hateful comments. I invert their virulence and turn them into cupcakes. Anyhow, I totally disagree with Yahtzee's tone here kuz I found Smash Brother's Brawl fun as hell, it brought me back to the days of Mario 3 platforming and I loved it.

So hey, enjoy some Yahtzee just for the sake of enjoying it, kuz for all it's misguided venom, it's still the best review out there.

Zero Punctuation - Smash Brother's Brawl

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Me and My Electric Violin

2008-04-14T14:17:18Z

Hi guys. Wow was it ever a quiet weekend for blogging. I spent this weekend at work as we're winding down to racking the rig for the next two months. Tuesday will be my last day out here and then I'm taking at least a month to chill and get the home life in order. I'm ready for it, believe me.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 26. 25 Was a really good year, here's hoping 26 is even better.

So anyhow, because the rig is no longer drilling and there's no nightshift I got to go home last night on my birthday, and boy was I itching for it. Tash has been torturing me with taunts about my birthday gifts for the past month, so I was stoked to go.

I wasn't disappointed.

Amongst a few other things such as shirts and some really neat books was this.

Photo 11

My very own electric violin.

I've been wanting to get a violin and learn to play for the past 2 years. So I got this one. I have no idea what I'm doing with it yet, but I'll fix that shortly. It's small enough that I can bring out to work and practice, so I'm stoked.

So in honor of Electric Violin coolness, I'm gonna repost a video I tossed on here from last year, enjoy.

Halo Band

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Because I'm Told Blogs Must Have Cats...

2008-04-13T00:18:42Z

I have a cat. His name is Lucy, that's short for Lucifer which is a very fitting name. We rescued him from a crack victim after his mother was hit by a car when he was only a week old. We fed him Cat milk from an eye dropper and he grew to quite a size. His sister isn't 1/3rd his size as she was malnourished on cows milk.

Anyhow, he is evil. When you come visit us he will tease you like a stripper by rubbing up against your leg like he actually intends some sort of affection to you. This is a lie. The second you try to pet him or move he will rend one of your limbs until it is no longer useful then return to nuzzling the bloody stump.

Handsome tho, isn't he?

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Just Because I have a Reputation to Uphold...

2008-04-10T16:47:13Z

I will be instituting Thursday Ghastly as part of your regular scheduled blogging.

Last week on ghastly we introduced our endearing young tentacle monster Peep.

This week, Peep meets Smokey and a legend is born...

20020602

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For Redzilla

2008-04-10T16:23:15Z

I heard you were in a snarky mood today. Here's some fuel for the fire.

Scurry

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Personal Update

2008-04-10T16:16:28Z

I don't blog about myself personally very often. Mostly because when I'm at work there's not much going on outside of what I find on the internet. But every once in a while I try to fill people in on what's going on. Eventually someone might get a really good impression of what my life has been like over the past year from reading my blog.

I was bored last night so I mentioned to Tash that I'd like to see her. She one-upped this and brought one of my oldest friends Kyle out as well. Kyle and I go way back, knew each other in grade school. He say's that I've been one of his most steadfast friends and coming from him that's a huge compliment. The guy never lacks for popularity.

Kyle wanted to know when I get to come home, for the fact of the matter is I've had about 9 days at home since New Years, the answer is as soon as this rig finishes this well. After that she's getting racked in a farmer's field until mid-june while the road bans are on.

(The next paragraph will be an explanation of what I just said, so if that's not interesting to you feel free to skip it.)

For those of you who have ever lived up in a cold climate, you'll understand what happens when the ground freezes for those of you who haven't the process of freezing and unfreezing wreaks havoc on roads. The permafrost coming out of the ground takes a couple months and during that time the ground heaves causing pavement to break which is why canada is loaded with potholes. Roads are simply incapable of lasting more than a decade up here. To limit the damage to the roads, each spring the department of highways institutes a road ban on all vehicles over a certain weight. This means industrial traffic is effectively grounded while these road bans are in effect. This is called breakup. Right now breakup is in full-swing, and this rig will just be finishing up the well it's doing and then stop for a couple months. This gives me a bit of a vacation of sorts unpaid that it is.

Anyhow, Kyle was most happy to hear that I'll be home again in about a week, this is good news even though Sunday is going to be my birthday and I know Tash has something planned. Luckily though she checked with me and decided to hold whatever birthday thing she's got up her sleeve one week late. Tash is so smart.

Kyle and Tash immediately started watching Idol Gives Back, and Kyle being the gay costumer that he is, had to critique and criticize every article of clothing every performer wore throughout the whole thing. Kyle is an exercise in duality. He despises anyone he doesn't think has the brain capacity to stimulate his mind with intelligent conversation, yet very much enjoys working with handicapped people. He can be one of the most insulting and mean-spirited people I know. yet he is a gem in the customer service industry and people go out of their way to write reviews on his excellence when he serves them. I'm beyond worrying what he says about me behind my back, but I'm told by many it's not much. He is a pro at insulting a person to their face with a smile while they think he's genuinely being friendly, it's only because I've known him so long that I can tell the difference between his genuine enjoyment and when he's just toying with someone for his amusement.

Oh, did I mention he hates queers?

I say queers from his perspective because Kyle being homosexual, desires a gay partner sure, but he hates the weird effeminate, limp-wristed, pouty lipped, overly emotional queer gay person. He literally finds it offensive and will be the first to shout out how "fucking gay" a particular anything that falls under the aforementioned category is.

And even with all this, people find it extremely hard not to like him, Kyle is the most socially secure person I have ever met. If you incur his wrath you may find the entire town ostracizing you. If you raised your hand against him, be prepared for the town's entire minor league hockey team to come gunning for you. The fact that he has all these aces in his pocket though means very little to him, he's quite aware they're there, but he would never need to resort to such things. He's just too damn smart for all of that, and to him, if something can't be done elegantly it just isn't worth doing.

So, even though they subjected me to American Idol, which was a torture I'm already planning sweet revenge for, I really did enjoy having him come out here last night. It's great to have Tash back in town to make sure that even though I abandon my friends all alone for months at a time, they don't abandon me.

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To Those Who Think Homosexuality and Bestiality are the Same...

2008-04-09T18:51:23Z

Every once in a while some retarded homophobic nutjob tells me that if their government ever allows single-sex civil unions, the next step will be to allow people to marry their dogs, cats, horses, 8 year-old sisters, and potentially all 6 of them at once.

My first impulse when this argument comes around is to smack the person upside the head with a two-by-four. The second impulse is to berate them until they wish I'd followed my first impulse. My lawyers tell me choosing the second is the smarter move, then they tell me I don't pay them enough which causes me to seriously question their judgement but so far I've done more berating then scull bashing.

So today kids I will calmly explain why two people of the same gender getting to file their taxes together and stay after visiting hours together in the hospital does not amount to legalizing hot sweaty monkey sex with... well... a monkey.

In 1776 some crackpots from a backwater colony decided to write a letter to their king telling him to fuck off. Some time after that people started to think that maybe the letter they wrote had some potential, they re-read it and said "Hey, maybe we should model a country off of what's said here!" It seemed like a good idea at the time so they ran with it. In this, the words of that letter's writer's outlasted them and became something great. That letter was the the Declaration of Independence.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

All men are entitled to these things. Interestingly enough, many of the original founding fathers who wrote this letter didn't believe that all men were created equal. Some believed that there were racial divides that made certain people better than others. This gave them a mandate to enslave these lesser people. However, their words outlasted them, and through civil war and strife the People of America came to decide that all people should truly be equal and that one man should not enslave another. Discrimination existed long after these chains of slavery were broken, but slowly a government endeavored to put the crimes of slavery behind it and forge a world of equal opportunity for all. At no point though have Animals ever been given the rights, and privileges of men. Laws have been enacted to protect animals as beings that deserve to exist on this planet just as we do, however no law has ever equated an animal to being the same as a man.

Animals cannot file tax returns, they cannot manage their finances, they cannot have bank accounts. They cannot own land under the same laws that a human does. Therefore a civil union with an animal will never happen.

But what about the sex?! Wouldn't it be only a short reach of logic to allow horse humping and cow poking to become legal? Will there ever be a time when the term 'fucking the dog' wont be a euphemism for doing nothing?

No!!!

Allow me to explain. In your country you have a concept called Statutory Rape. Without going into the details of this, I will summarize. The basic concept is that a person below a certain age is not mentally prepared to make an informed decision regarding the consent for sexual intercourse. IE: An adult may be quite capable of convincing the child that sex is perfectly acceptable, but the law says otherwise.

The same concept applies to animals because they are never mentally equipped to consent to any such actions. Therefore any sort of sexual congress with any animal is quite simply abuse of that animal, and in the eyes of the law will never ever be legal or acceptable.

So you need not worry, allowing Bruce and Henry to do their taxes together won't ever make it right and acceptable for man to make sweet love to his sheep. No matter how much you like to watch you sick bastard!

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